Day 137: It has been 15 days since I last posted anything about my “diet”… If you have been following my facebook page then you will understand that all my free time is going to drawing the daily Mental Health Heroes. Today is a special day… It’s the American Psychological Association blog party. And I’m blogging for Mental health. I have been going up and down from 343 to 348… I think I’m doing good over all and I know what I’ve done and not done to keep me here stuck in the 340’s… I am going to remove wheat bread out of my diet… I like it come back in April and ever since I’ve struggle…falling back on comfort food.
Day 122: It’s been almost 10 days since I updated… why such the long period between my updates… Well just like my title of my new blog weight loss versus mental health. (http://blessedtobebonkers.com) My mental health won, or I should say my mental illness beat out the value of weight loss. I’ve kind of fell off the wagon if you will. I started off may on a huge higher and successful losing 35 lbs… for the scale show for first time in two years 345 pound… I think I rested on my laurels and thought I was entitled to have a few treats. Will a few treats turned into a few more treats, then a few more treats and then the the guilt took hold and twisted my mind to a point where I could not think straight. That triggered deep seeded emotional and counter-intuitive negative talk that just Browbeat me with more guilt.
Let me just define Browbeat and how it affects me in the head. Browbeat means to: Intimidate (someone), typically into doing something, with stern or abusive words. Damn that Negative Talk…he always has a very persuasive argument and tends to win a lot.
This contributed to my lack of exercise this month… Just when I should’ve been doing more I actually did the lass.Yes I know my depression would’ve been helped if I was only to work out. But I didn’t even want to think about it… So I went back, just like a dog to his vomit. (Sorry for that illustration, but it is biblical).
This brings us up to today. Stepping on the scale after a month of battling him finally almost back to where I was on April 5th… 346 pounds! What I can and try to rejoice over is that I have lost 4 pounds this month… That is equivalent to a healthy 1 pound a week… Even though my weight fluctuated between 346 pounds to 351 pounds… May is going to be a very busy month! This is mental health awareness month and I’m doing the cartoon-a-thon for mental health heroes.. I’m hoping all the art therapy drawing caricatures and keeping busy will quiet my negative thinking.
“Quiet the mind the body will find peace also; when the body has peace it yearns for joy and with joy comes balance… But with too much joy comes mania to really doesn’t make much sense does it … Just tell your brain to shut up !”
Day 116: As we come close to the end of national humor month I decided today not to talk about my weight… Rather let’s have a little Mental health break and some fun…
What is your favorite quote that makes you laugh every time you hear it???
I have a lot… One my fav’s is from the Move Mars Attacks:
“General Casey: [talking on phone] Hello? This is General Casey. I get to meet the Martian Ambassador! Ain’t that great? Oh, it’s a hell of an honor. But didn’t I always tell you honey, if I just stayed in place and never spoke up, good things are bound to happen. Yeah… Ok [makes kissing noises and ends the phone call]”
I crack up case some times I feel like: “I always tell…(myself), if I just stayed in place and never spoke up, good things are bound to happen.”
Of course that’s not how I live my life it just cracks me up because I sometimes do it.
Mental Health Humor Project’s Cartoon-A-Thon focus’ on you, the Mental Health Hero. Each day of Mental Health Awareness Month, I’ll Draw a caricature of the featured hero and post it on the day sponsored. Our goal is to Highlight 31 Mental Health Hero’s. So, dust off your cape, take off the mask and let’s have some fun bringing awareness to serious issues! To become a hero all you need to do is sponsor us and tell your recovery story.
Please help our Mental Health Hero’s Cartoon-A-Thon Project and makes a pledge to be come a sponsor.
The Site Wide (125 x 125 pixel) Ad Blocks Sponsors are set up to give professionals an opportunity to advertise their business, services, books and or web site or blog with an image Ad link. This is a month to month sponsorship paid via Pay Pal subscription service.
Day 114: after this weekend’s up and down nutritional escapade I’m ready to hunker down once again and get my mind and body focused on the goals I’ve set for this month. As you know if you’ve been following my progress over the last 3 1/2 months my main goal is to lose 10 pounds a month minimum. I started off the month great then my steamer broke and my routine got mixed up a bit. On top of that my scale was broken and every time I weighed in it would add five or 10 pounds and that really depressed me until I found out it was broken. I was able to exchange the scale and the new one now has me today at 346 pounds. That was the exact weight I was on 5 April and I’m still fluctuating. But I’m not given up its still a good movement forward and now all I have to do is what I know works…
As for my mental attitude it will take some adjusting, all night my mind was telling me to eat while I kept telling it I’m not hungry… I did give in a little bit but I did not binge on junk… I also ate a lot of salad yesterday in fact I’m going to have salad with a little chicken for lunch in a few minutes… Yum.
I hope everyone’s okay, don’t give up we can do this together…
Day 113 - Today I’ve been a little more excited than usual since I brought back my broken scale and got a new/Replacement scale and it shows me at the weight I thought I was supposed to be…The scale reads today 348 pounds - So yes I did put a few pounds on, but it’s not as bad as the other scale said.
I took some time and had fun doing a video making fun of a song called “HOT PROBLEM”. I change the words a bit and my song video title is “FAT PROBLEM”.
Day 112 of Chato Stewart’s battle with weight loss and my mental health… The fact that it’s been 112 days is an accomplishment and I want to keep working on it. My scale shows me actually putting weight back on and I’m still vacillating between 346 to 350… I believe this is because of my working out and that I am putting more muscle back on than the fat that I’m losing… But I’ve learned one thing about my belief system when you’re dealing with a mental illness… It can be diluted!
I’m feeling better and that could be because today is a full moon… What am I talking about I know it is because today’s a full moon so I’m going to try to take advantage of this day and get some other work done…
I’m trying to work out and exercise every other day and do something in between.Today I have a full hour to do and I like to get it started soon.
Now for some fun stuff, I had postcards made up to support mental health awareness month in May.Whoever buys the most postcards will be automatically a mental health hero sponsor and to be drawn as a mental health hero in MAY.Whether you have been a hero in the past it doesn’t matter, this is open to every advocate and professional. And it’s for a limited time only
Day 109: I got up early today and did a one-hour workout… Jumping rope about 300 times, 100 crunches, doing a little tae bo punching then walked for 20 min.. I felt I really need to push myself after watching the biggest loser last night! it’s amazing the transformation the contestants go through from day one to four months into the show. I’m coming up on four months myself soon and for the last two weeks my weight has been hovering around 346 to 350. My goal for April is to lose 10 pounds and am now even further away from that goal that I was two weeks ago. It was somewhat depressing but I understand why… I kind of went through a little detour last week.
But yesterday I got out for a half an hour did some exercise in this morning I’m starting out right off the bat that I’m trying to do between a half an hour and an hour a day now… Let’s see how long I can keep this up, my goal would be to do it every day but I don’t want to push my body so hard that I injured again.
Yes I’m still taking my daily supplement of slender GR. The fact now I got a few of my friends to try it and they love it. It’s a natural supplement that helps balance your sugar and speed up your metabolism and its all-natural and vegan. Speaking of vegan I really need that add more raw foods into my diet I got away from it last week only because I couldn’t afford buying fresh fruit and vegetables. It’s kind of hard to eat right when all you can afford for your family some nights I just mac & cheese. Still I will push forward. I encourage all my friends to do the same. Don’t give up, even if the scale doesn’t show you your progress the fact is you are making progress in changing our lifestyle not a number on a scale. Words that I need to live by also.
Day 107: Well my peoples the last three days have been really busy for me mentally draining and spiritually building at the same time. I was away at a two-day religious assembly and receive some well needed faith encouraging support. First it was fine, but by the end of the day and being in a group of 2600 people and friends got to wear on me. Sunday I just was zoning out… But they broadcast the whole assembly on a local radio station so I just tapped into that put my headphones on sitting in the audience and recouped a bit.
My food steamer gave out and broke… Due to over-use no doubt! I had to eat what was on hand side kind of went off track for a little bit and yet last night I enjoy the night of pizza, roast beef, root beer float and five fiber plus bars. Not the healthiest diet but I did throw some salad into the mix for good measure. The fiber plus bars are more for today and there are a doing the work. So starting today I’m back on track after a few days off. I’m going to try to do a small workout every day this week see if I can start building up a regular workout routine. I did go for a long walk with the kids yesterday around the assembly building and helped clean up which burned 500 calories from all the peanut butter M&Ms I ate…
The goal here is not to let my former bad habit become a habitual dietary disaster. I’m learning that I need to find balance in everything in my life. First it starts in my brain and then my belly. I did get a lot of compliments though people are seeing both weight loss. I’m technically down 35 pounds but after this weekend I’m kind of on a upswing and gain some back. By Friday I hope to be back where I was two weeks
Day 103: I know I haven’t posted much in the last couple days. I been really disappointed and little depressed over the last few days. I kind of went off track from my daily nutritional regiment. This ended yesterday with the crescendo and lots of cookies and junk food! I decided yesterday I would take a day off of everything food related.
I know there are going to be ups and downs and that I shouldn’t be relying on the scale to judge my progress… That scale has a way of really screwing with my head… Some days I’m up to 3 pounds now on down to where I was a week ago. It’s very hard to put into words the struggles that I’m dealing with. My mind is telling me to give up and that I’m worthless that I should never have started such an ambitious weight loss program. This negative talk has me worried… Not that I’m listening to the negative talk, but this disquieting voice in my head has been silent for so long and now it’s coming back over the last few days.
Anyway I am sorry I can’t be so uplifting today… I’m trying, holding my head up high… Or just above the water level anyway. I hate that I have to be rely on you to reestablish any semblance of my self-esteem. It’s pretty sad that I can’t even validate myself. I really feel like a piece of excrement. I don’t want this to trigger anything either… Yesterday I found myself zoning out of reality. Sunday and Tuesday I went out of the house and I think really drained me… I forced myself to be happy or at least look happy for a few hours. That’s a heavy mask to wear and burden to carry. It’s sad and funny at the same time… One friend was able to see through my mask, I must let my guard down for a second… I hate when I get into these moods. I hope it’s just temporary. I think another do some exercising today to get my boost of dopamine to elevating the serotonin level.
Because my post was a little of a bummer I will share with you a green pepper we found at Winn-Dixie sticking its tongue out at you.
Thank you for let me unload a little here on Facebook… I actually feel a little better. In case it’s a placebo affect please share your encouragement I will take all I can get!
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